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The phases of coming out
June 13, 2020 at 6:30 pmI thought that we could build the coming-out and the LGBTQ+ more realistically in phases that the process starts in childhood. I have many friends who are gay, lesbian and bi. Therefore I will take gay and lesbian as an example for the possible stages in Paralives:
Pre-Coming-Out phase:
to have felt a sense of being “different” at a very early age. What exactly constitutes this difference can usually not yet be described in more concrete terms at this time. It is unconsciously perceived that the whole environment is heterosexually oriented, that homosexuality does not occur or is devalued and that this could have something to do with the own feeling of being different.
Phase of the inner coming out:
The beginning of the inner coming out is characterized by a more conscious perception of one’s own longings and feelings. They feel that they are more attracted to their own sex and at the same time perceive that this makes them different from others.
Phase of self-acceptance:
They’re usually looking for information, positive identification models and finally also encounters with other lesbians and gays. This makes it possible to perceive oneself in a new way, to check one’s own ideas against reality and to be able to consider and implement a gay or lesbian life more concretely. During this time, external support is particularly valuable: information about same-sex lifestyles. The more the inner acceptance grows, the sooner attempts are made to make contact with other lesbians and gays. As the inner acceptance of one’s own identity grows, positive feelings of liberation and relief up to euphoria about having finally found oneself are created.
Phase of the outer coming out:
The question arises as to who can be told about it, where one’s own sexuality may be known. Good reactions from family and friends, in turn, promote positive handling of the coming out. Being able to show your identity to the outside world and receive positive feedback has a strengthening effect on a positive self-perception and enables a comprehensive good identification with their own sexuality.
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8 Replies
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I like the idea of a para’s sexuality being independent of the wishes of the player. I’m not sure it needs to be complicated to this level, if only because I don’t want my parachildren suffering from “being different” buffs their whole childhoods. It’s realistic, but feels kind of dark and makes me sad. I’d like it if the game could be an escape from this kind of pain. Other than that I can respect the desire to have LGBTQ+ lived experiences better represented in a game, I understand that this is very important to many people.
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I don’t know what they’d be but they’d have to be little hints that don’t distract from the lives of other parafolk in your household too much. Maybe a child does something and a parent has a vague buff that says “Wondering about [child’s name]…” There would be little clues and incidents like that tell the attentive player what’s happening.
I can see that others are worried that this playstyle isn’t a fit for them, and tbh I had the same thought. This feature shouldn’t be all-consuming for the player, but that’s not to say it shouldn’t be there at all. I think we need to strike a balance so that other goals can be achieved in gameplay at the same time as your LGBTQ+ para is coming out. I was cautious about having a “being different” buff largely because I think my parachild should have that time in their life to just be a kid.
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I won’t say much since this isn’t my play style, but I remember the devs saying that if this were included in the game that it wouldn’t be limited to lgbt and it that it would probably be more of just making a self discovery. They said they’d do this because people may want to make a town/world where lgbt is the norm, so ‘coming out’ in the traditional way shouldn’t be the default.
Personally, I do think the act of ‘coming out’ as a whole should be optional in settings, only because I wouldn’t want to think up a story for a character at birth only to have this pop out of nowhere later in their life and alter my planned story.
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As a queer person, I would love to see this in my game. I totally get the idea of devs and it is nice approach, but I somehow still want some realism in my game, especially when it comes to LGBTQ+ stuff. I would hope for optional coming out system like this for people like me – I want my kids to realize who they are and then celebrate their discovery with their love ones
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Yes i also think that it would bring more reality to the game, it would be great to have a similar coming out system like this maybe with more details because i don’t know how it is and can possibly be changed in settings.
but it should be an option to switch on and off for the people who don’t want it in their game.
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This is what a former dev said about “come out”
“If we include a ‘coming out’ interaction, it won’t be specific to one sexually or gender. More like, it’d be something like “hey guys, I figured out something important about myself/my identity and want to share”
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